


Taking the First Step

by BarbaLovesCarisi (CaptainAmericasShield)



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alex Cabot is a good friend, Brief homophobia, Brief mention of abuse at the end, Coming Out, Internal homophobia, Lucia Barba is a saint, M/M, Rafael Barba deserves to be loved, Rafael's father was terrible, Supportive Sonny is supportive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24726964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainAmericasShield/pseuds/BarbaLovesCarisi
Summary: Rafael Barba and Sonny Carisi have been dating for several months.  Rafael makes the decision to come out to his mother with the full support of Sonny, Alex Cabot and Casey Novak.
Relationships: Alexandra Cabot/Casey Novak, Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31
Collections: Barisi Pride 2020





	Taking the First Step

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this for the Barisi Pride Month collection. Prompt: Coming Out. Color: Blue. This also sort of goes off my headcanon that Rafael and Alex have been friends for a long time, and they are supportive of each other and are there for each other when they need to be. Thank you to my beta reader BreatheMusicIn - I appreciate you so much :)

“Alex, I’m really not sure about this,” Rafael said, turning his head to briefly look at Sonny, then back at Alex Cabot. Alex and her wife Casey Novak had come over for the day. They were close friends with Rafael and Sonny, and the pairs would switch off every weekend and spend a day hanging out together, switching houses every weekend.

Alex and Casey had arrived earlier that day - Rafael’s mother was coming over, and he had finally decided he was going to come out to her. He needed all of the support he could get, and Alex and Casey both knew that.

“Come on Rafa. I guarantee you she already knows,” Alex responded with a comforting smile.

“What makes you think that?”

“Maternal instinct. I know what your father did, I know how he reacted to the  _ possibility _ of you being gay, but your mother is a saint.”

“I know she is, and I know she’s fine with you, but I don’t know how she’d feel about  _ me _ being gay. You know?”

Alex sighed. “Rafa, come on. She’s your mother. You know she loves you.”

“I know, I just-”

“I know you’re nervous Rafa. Casey, Sonny and I will always have your back, and you know damn well we will support you no matter what.”

Rafael nodded. “Thank you Alex.”

“She’s right Raf,” Sonny said, shooting Rafael a comforting smile.

Rafael looked up. He still couldn’t explain what it was about the man, but there was something sincere and comforting in Sonny’s ocean blue eyes that calmed him. “I know  _ mi amor _ .”

“Raf, if you don’t want to do this today, you don’t have to. You know I’m always fine masquerading as just a friend,” Sonny said softly, tilting his head down to touch his forehead to Rafael’s.

“I know Dominick, I just- I hate making you pretend to be just a friend when you’re so much more than that. You’re my partner, and I love you. I don’t want to hide anymore. Not when I spent so long hiding from myself.”

Sonny kissed his forehead. “I’m so proud of you Raf. I know how hard it can be to come out to your family when you don’t know how they’ll react. I promise that no matter what, I will always be by your side. I love you Rafael Barba, that will never change.”

“I love you too, Dominick,” Rafael replied softly, tilting his head up to press a quick kiss to Sonny’s lips.

They were interrupted by a knock at the door. “I’ll get it,” Casey said, standing up from where she had been sitting on the couch.

“Thank you Casey, Dominick and I will be out in a second.”

“Hey, Rafa, I promise it’s going to be okay,” Alex said, smiling and taking his hand. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze, then let go, leaving the bedroom and closing the door behind her.

Rafael watched her leave, then turned back to Sonny and sighed. He could hear his mother’s voice coming from the front room, and felt a new wave of nerves wash over him.

“What did I do to deserve you?” he asked, looking down.

Sonny smiled. “You’re you Raf. You are the most incredible person I have ever met. You’re kind, you’re passionate, you’re not afraid to speak your mind,” he paused. “I could honestly go on for a while, but I don’t want to do that to you. Not right now.”

Rafael looked back up and saw the sincerity in Sonny’s eyes. He took a deep breath, then smiled. “You’re so kind  _ mi amor _ .”

“Whatever happens, I have your back. I always have, and I always will. We’re in this together,” Sonny responded with a warm smile, his calming blue eyes full of kindness.

“I love you, Dominick.”

“I love you too, Raf,” Sonny said, pressing a quick kiss to Rafael’s forehead. 

Rafael took a deep breath. “Ready?”

“Only if you are. If you’re not, this doesn’t have to happen today. It can happen whenever you’re comfortable with it.”

“I want to do this. I’ve been hiding for too long. I’m done,” Rafael said, trying to sound more confident than he was.

Sonny smiled softly. “It’s okay to be nervous, love. I’m right here. I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

Rafael nodded. “Thank you _ mi amor _ .” He stole one last kiss before walking over to the bedroom door and opening it, Sonny following close behind. His heart was racing, but knowing he was surrounded by the people who were the most supportive brought him some comfort.

Lucia stood up from the couch and walked over to him. “Rafi, it’s so good to see you,” she said, greeting him with an embrace.

“It’s good to see you too,  _ mami _ ,” Rafael responded, returning the embrace and smiling. “You remember Dominick?” he asked, stepping to the side, allowing Sonny to step forward to shake her hand.

“Of course. How are you, detective?”

“I’m good how are you?” Sonny responded with a smile.

Rafael couldn’t help but smile to himself. Sonny could be incredibly charming. He guessed that was one of the things that drew him to the man.

Lucia smiled. “I’m good, thank you for asking,” she paused for a moment then turned to Rafael. “How have you been Rafi?”

“I’ve been good,” Rafael responded with a smile. He paused and looked down at the ground, smile fading, then over to Alex and Casey, who both gave him an encouraging nod, seated on the couch behind his mother, then back up to his mother. “There’s actually something I want to talk to you about,” he said softly.

Lucia’s expression turned to one of concern. “Rafi, is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine  _ mami _ ,” Rafael reassured her. “I just-” he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “I’m gay,” he said, tensing up expecting some form of negative reaction. He reached for Sonny’s hand, and relaxed slightly when the other man grabbed his hand and squeezed it. Slowly, he opened his eyes and looked up at his mother. Rafael was surprised to see she was smiling. “You- you’re not upset?” he asked cautiously.

“Rafi, you’re my son. Of course I’m not upset. I understand why you might have thought I would be, based on what your father did when he convinced himself you were, but I’m not Rafi. I’ve had a feeling you were for a while, I just wanted to wait until you were comfortable saying something. I’ve never wanted to put you in a spot where you were uncomfortable. I’m happy for you.”

Rafael breathed a sigh of relief and squeezed Sonny’s hand. “Thank you  _ mami _ , I really do appreciate that.” He looked over at Sonny, who was smiling. “I guess now might be a good time to tell you that Dominick is my partner. We’ve been together for almost 4 months at this point,” he added.

Lucia smiled. “I had a feeling - I’ve seen the way you look at him. Rafi, I’m so happy for you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy.”

“Dominick means the world to me. He has changed my life, and I will forever be grateful to him for that.”

“I’m just happy you’ve found someone that you love, and that you can be happy with. All that matters to me is that you’re  _ happy _ Rafi. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”

Rafael nodded. His heart had finally returned to a normal rate, and he felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Alex was right. His mother did know, and she accepted him. “Thank you  _ mami _ ,” he said softly, letting go of Sonny’s hand to step forward and embrace his mother.

“I love you, Rafi.”

“I love you too,  _ mami. _ ”

Rafael stepped back and looked at everyone in the room. He was incredibly thankful that he was surrounded by so many people who accepted him and supported him. He was thankful for Alex for helping him realize he was gay, when he had spent so many years trying to convince himself he wasn’t. He was afraid his father had been right when he accused him of being gay and sent him to the hospital with a couple of fractured ribs, a concussion and other various cuts and bruises. 

He was thankful for Sonny, who made him the happiest he had ever been, and for helping him become more comfortable with himself. He was thankful for Sonny, who, when he had learned about what Rafael’s father had done, held him tightly, and gently traced the scars on his back. 

He was thankful for his mother, who had always been there for him, and who accepted him for who he was and who he loved. He felt Sonny wrap his arms around him from behind and smiled to himself, leaning back into the other man. For the first time in his life, he was truly happy, and he wouldn’t change the life he had for anything.


End file.
